I'll Still Love You In My Nightmares
by dontmissthis
Summary: Jane and Maura have to flee Boston just to survive. Will one of them finally break and confess their feelings before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Yeah, another fic. Oops. **

**This could be a one shot or maybe something more. I haven't decided yet. I guess it depends on how much interest there is in it. **

…

Hours upon hours of slowly driving the large SUV down roads filled with abandoned cars and overgrown weeds has Jane utterly exhausted. But she can't stop. Not yet. It's much too dangerous to stop at night. The things—all rotting skin and putrid smell—would be right up on them before they even knew what was happening.

The day was safer. It was easier to see them coming, calculate the odds of survival. It was easier to find a spot that was more or less hidden, a place to eat and sleep until they packed up and started driving again during nightfall.

But it was the same thing, day after day after day. See the things, shoot them, and keep driving. It was monotonous and exhausting and Jane was surprised that she even had the will to keep going, to stay alive.

But then she looks over to the passenger seat and sees the outline of Maura's profile in the first rays of dawn. Her mouth is slightly open, her hands are laced together over her stomach, and her hair is pulled back in a messy ponytail as she rests her eyes. They hadn't found anywhere safe enough to bathe in at least a week, but Jane is still awestruck by how…_beautiful_ she still looks.

They had tried to change up—Jane would drive at night while Maura slept and then Maura would drive in the day while Jane slept—but had decided against that brilliant idea after only a week. It was too hard spending every single moment with someone and never getting to talk to them because they were always on a different schedule.

So now they both stay up all night and take shifts—Maura's is always first and Jane's is always last. Like everything else in their new life, it's a routine that naturally formed and stuck.

The sun finally breaks over the horizon and Jane reaches out and nudges Maura's shoulder. For someone that's just 'resting her eyes' it sounds an awful lot like she's snoring. She pulls the SUV off the road into a clump of trees. It's close enough to get back to the road if they need to, but far enough away to be shielded in case anything is out there looking around.

She looks at Maura—who hasn't even moved an inch—and debates on whether or not she should just let her sleep. They really do need to eat, though. She gently nudges Maura again. "Hey, it's time to wake up."

Maura's eyes instantly flick open and she lazily grins. "I _was_ awake."

Jane scoffs. "Really? Tell that to your lumberjack snores. It sounded like you were cutting wood over there."

She playfully pinches Jane's arm. "I don't snore!"

"Mhmm. Keep telling yourself that."

Maura rolls her eyes and then looks out the window. "This looks like a good spot. You did very well today."

"I _always_ do good, Maura."

Maura raises an eyebrow in protest and Jane raises both of hers in shock. "When was the last time I picked a bad spot?"

"Yesterday," she deadpans.

Okay, yeah. There may or may not have been a few of the things running at the car and Jane might have barely had enough time to get in the driver's seat and get the hell out of dodge. But, at least she got them out of there alive. That had to count for something, right?

She rolls her eyes and opens the door. "Whatever. I'm hungry."

That was the understatement of the year. She was always hungry—every minute of every day. She knew Maura was too, she was just still too polite to verbally complain about it. Some things never change.

Jane opens the back hatch and pulls a cardboard box towards her and opens it. Her stomach almost drops as she remembers there are only five cans of food left inside. They can't go on much longer if they don't find anymore soon.

She grabs two and pulls them out before Maura gets the chance to see their predicament and then pulls out two metal spoons. She reads the labels and then looks up to Maura. "Clam chowder or Spaghetti O's?"

As if Jane really even needed to ask. Maura grins. "Clam chowder."

She knew Maura would say that—only another perk to knowing someone so well. Jane sits down on the ground and pulls out her dull pocket knife to slowly start opening the cans. She really needed to look for a new one someday. _If_ they even find more food to survive long enough to search for one.

Maura sits down beside her and watches as she finally pries the metal lid off the chowder. She holds it out to Maura with a spoon. "We're out of matches, so…"

No matches mean no fire and no fire means cold food. In eight months, they'd managed with a lot less than that though. Maura reassuringly squeezes Jane's arm. "That's alright. Perhaps we'll find more."

"Yeah, maybe." Doubt is clearly evident in Jane's voice. After they lost the first lighter it had taken months to find those matches. Now that they were out, she really doesn't believe they'll find more any time soon.

Or ever.

They eat in silence. Even though Maura doesn't know how little food they have left, Jane knows she can sense something is wrong just by the way she's eating even slower than usual.

She eats 3/4 of her food before holding the can out to Maura. "Here, finish it. I don't want anymore."

"Jane…"

Jane pushes the can closer to her, insistence written clearly all over her face. If it comes down to one of them starving to death, she isn't going to let it be Maura. "C'mon. Just eat it." Maura refuses to take it and Jane sighs. "Please? Or else I'll just throw it out."

Tentatively, Maura reaches out and takes it. She feels so guilty about it, but she'd feel even guiltier if it went to waste. She wouldn't put it past Jane to throw it out, either—she's still as stubborn as ever. Some things never change.

Jane waits until Maura is finished before she takes both of the cans and throws them as far as she possibly can. They don't know if the things are attracted by smells, but she definitely isn't going to chance it.

She opens up the door to climb in the back seat. It was another habit they'd formed; Jane always got the whole back because of her long legs and Maura always slept in the reclined passenger seat. She waits for the sound of Maura getting settled, but doesn't hear it. She pokes her head out of the car to see Maura standing there—arms crossed and cheeks blushing pink.

Jane raises her eyebrows and points to the front seat. "You getting in? Or are you feeling another 'nature walk' today? Because I just have to say, I'm too tired for that bullshit right now."

Maura scowls. That had been _one_ time. Even if she wanted to do it again, she wouldn't. Especially since they came across a hoard of those things and almost got killed before they could make it back to the car. Her cheeks blush a little pinker and she looks down to the ground. "No, I…I just need a moment." She looks up at the sound of Jane getting out of the car and shakes her head. "Alone."

Hurt briefly flickers across Jane's face before she masks it. Trying to deflect, she laughs. "What, tired of me already?"

Even Maura's neck is flaming red now. She almost never got embarrassed talking about this. But now that she's spent every waking moment of the last ten months—longer if she counts the year before they had to flee Boston—trying to conceal her attraction for her best friend…things have gotten a little complicated.

She looks off to the side and fiddles with her hands. "It's been at least three months since..." She briefly looks at Jane before averting her eyes. "Surely you remember me informing you of one way to boost the immune system?"

Jane blankly looks at her.

Maura finally steels herself and decides to get this over with. Like a band-aid getting wrenched away or whatever the phrase was that Jane often used. "I would like to… _relieve_...tension."

Jane still looks at her with wide eyes and eyebrows raised like she's waiting for the big reveal. Why the hell couldn't she relieve some fucking tension in the fucking car? There's no reason to be keeping them both awake for this shit.

Frustrated, Maura _almost_ groans. "Unless you would prefer that I masterba—"

"—Oh, God." Jane scrunches up her face and holds her hands out. There will be no relieving of tension in the car if _that's_ what it fucking means. "No, just…no." She shakes her head and waves her hand out. She might survive the apocalypse, but she has no chance in hell surviving the sexualness of Maura Isles.

She finally opens her eyes, but manages to look everywhere but Maura's face. "Just…don't go far. I'll be waiting—well, not waiting on you or anything because that's…just don't go far. And Hurry. Well, not hurry. I mean…" She groans. "Just go. And not far. Got it?"

Maura sheepishly nods and Jane slams the door. Jane gets settled in the back seat and lies back against a pillow before she hears a thump against the car. She peaks open an eye to see Maura leaning back against the passenger door.

When she said _not far_ she sure as hell didn't mean for Maura to stay _that close_. She throws her forearm over her eyes and tries to breathe normally. Maura Isles will be the death of her.

She waits and tries not to listen, but fails. Every slight noise she hears conjures up another image of Maura in her head—what she's doing, what she's thinking about, what she looks like as she tumbles over the edge…what it'd feel like to be the one that's touching her.

Curiosity finally gets the best of her and she opens her eyes and looks up. Maura's head is pressed back against the window, her chest is heaving up and down with each breath, and her shoulder is furiously moving up and down as she tries to get herself off.

Jane's mouth goes dry and she wants to watch—wants to see Maura finish—but she can't invade her privacy like that. She rolls on her side to face the back of the seat and closes her eyes. It's only a few more minutes before the passenger door opens and Maura scrambles inside.

Jane continues to pretend to be sleeping as the apple scent of the antibacterial sanitizer—that Maura had taken from a mall she convinced Jane to stop at—fills the car. They hardly have enough water to make it through the week, she knows better than to use it for something as trivial as washing hands.

Maura tosses and turns to get comfortable and Jane's breath hitches as there's suddenly complete silence. She can basically _feel _Maura staring at her. She waits a few moments before finally looking over her shoulder in mock annoyance. "What?"

"You weren't asleep."

Jane rolls her eyes and then flops over to face Maura. "No shit, Sherlock. You're louder than a two year old."

Hurt flits across her face and she looks away. "Sorry."

"Hey, no. Don't do that, I was just kidding."

Maura slightly perks up at that and then bites her lip. "May I ask you something?"

Jane rolls her eyes. "Maura, we live in a car together. You can ask me anything."

"Right." She nods, but there's still hesitation in her voice. "Can I…can I come lay down with—"

"—Maura, you know you _definitely _don't have to ask to do that." She moves until she's pressed flush back against the seat and Maura crawls back and lies in front of her. Jane wraps her arm around Maura's waist to keep her from falling off and it inadvertently pulls them so close together that there's less than two inches between their faces.

Jane closes her eyes to keep it from being awkward. Even though they've done this thousands of times—they're all each other has left, after all—this time feels different. Maybe it was because she almost watched Maura get herself off on the side of the car or maybe it's because she wishes Maura was thinking about her as she did it.

Regardless, there's still a charged silence between them—to Jane anyway, even the apocalypse didn't cure Maura's social ineptness—and it only worsens as Maura scoots half an inch closer. Jane squeezes her eyes just a little tighter as she feels Maura's breath on her cheek.

"Can I ask you another question?"

Jane sighs. Didn't she _just_ say Maura could ask her anything? "Yeah, go ahead."

"What are we doing this for? Why…Why is it so important for us to survive? There's nothing left. We've been all over the country, we've seen it. So why do we keep going?"

Jane swears she feels her heart stop and she opens her eyes. "Are you saying you _want_ to die?"

Maura's eyes grow wide and she shakes her head. "No, that's not…I was merely wanting to know why surviving is so imperative to you."

Jane takes a deep breath. She might as well let it out before she goes to sleep. At least that way she can pretend it was never said. "I want to live so I can protect you. So that I can make sure you stay alive. This isn't…if it was just me, I wouldn't care. I'd already be dead by now. But you," she shrugs, "You're the reason_ I'm_ alive. So I guess I'm making sure _we_ survive so I can return the favor."

Maura looks at her with unshed tears in her eyes before she scoots closer and presses her face in the crook of Jane's neck. She can feel the tears on her skin, so she wraps her arms tighter around Maura to keep her close—to give all the comfort she can. She hears Maura say a muffled "I love you" and she nods her head.

"I love you too, Maura. We'll be okay."

She has to force back the involuntary tears stinging in her eyes. Maybe one day Maura will understand how much Jane really _does_ love her.

Maybe.

Or maybe not.

….

…

**Well, there's that. I guess I could continue if there's interest. Just let me know. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! This isn't going to be a fic about trying to find out where zombies came from or anything. It's mainly just going to focus on their relationship and how they manage to survive—plus a few attacks, maybe—so I hope that's okay.**

…**. **

Jane feels a light tickling on her face. She groggily swats her hand in front of her without opening her eyes. It momentarily ceases before starting again. Frustrated, she opens her eyes and glares. "Quit touching my face while I'm sleeping, Maura. You know I hate that."

Unfazed, Maura pulls her hand back to rest between them. "Your bone structure is exquisite."

Jane rolls her eyes and tries to sit up without knocking Maura to the floorboard. Maura somehow manages to comment on her 'exquisite bone structure' at least once a week. It must be hard going from studying sculptures at high-end museums to only having Jane's face to study in the backseat of a car.

Jane rubs her face before looking out the car window. The sun is still high in the sky and she frowns. "What time is it?"

Maura scrambles up into a sitting position and yawns. "Around one."

"God, Maura. We could've slept for at least a couple more hours!" She drops her head into her hands and groans. She would be stuck with the only person in the world that thrives on exactly seven hours of sleep.

"We need supplies, Jane. This way we can look for a house while it's still light outside."

Jane has no argument for that. It had been months since they had found a house still worthy of going inside and they were dangerously low on…well, about everything. She gives a defeated nod before climbing out of the car to go pee. "Be back in five," she yells over her shoulder as she makes her way over to a place hidden with trees and bushes.

She's always quick about it—there's no way she's going to be caught with her pants down by one of those things—so she's always the first back to the car. She gets in the driver seat and cranks the car to see that they only have less than a quarter of a tank of gas. "Fuck," she growls out as she hits the steering wheel with one had. Add siphoning more gas to the list of things they had to do today.

Maura gets back into the car and Jane starts to drive without another word. As soon as she's back on the road, she parks in between two abandoned cars. She gets out and gets an old, faded gas can and clear tube from the back end before walking to one of the cars. After opening the gas cap, she pushes the tube down inside the tank. She blows in it and sighs in relief as she hears the tell-tale sign of bubbles being blown in the gas. Thank God this one wasn't empty.

She sucks on the end of the tube and quickly crimps it before any of the gas can get in her mouth. It only took one time for her to learn her lesson about that. She sets the tube in the can and watches as it flows freely out of the car and into the can. Thankfully, there are no air bubbles in it. She hates it when she has to start all over again.

She finally finishes and climbs back in the driver's seat. Maura gives her a sympathetic smile. She knows Jane hates doing it as much as she does. The smell of gas somehow manages to stick to their skin for days afterwards. Another disadvantage to having to use water sparingly.

She reaches over and takes Jane's hand in one of hers. At least now they'll both smell like gas together. They only drive for an hour down that narrow, car-filled road before they spot a house in a distant field. It's the first house they've seen completely intact for months.

The things didn't just turn and become senseless and unintelligent. They became…instinctual, almost unbelievably smart. They burnt down their houses, all of their belongings, and any building they could manage to destroy. It's like they knew that in order to kill the living, they had to destroy what the living needed to survive.

Jane pulls up to the end of the driveway and warily looks over to Maura. "It could be a trap."

And it could be. It wouldn't be the first time they walked into a house that was filled with the rotting stench of the things that were inside hiding and waiting to kill them. Maura nods as she looks out at the old Plantation-style home. "What other choice do we have?"

As if punctuating the importance of her words, Maura's stomach growls so loud that it's the only noise in the car. Jane takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. They might die if they go in, but there's no way they'll live much longer if they _don't_ go in. What a fucking predicament.

She drives up the long gravel driveway and parks directly in front of the house. If something _is_ in there, they need to be able to leave as quickly as possible. Her hand roams around the back floorboard until she finds two hand guns. She makes sure they're both loaded before she hands one to Maura.

"If anything moves, shoot—"

"—first and ask questions later." Maura gives a curt nod to punctuate her words before going to step out of the car. Jane's hand on her arm stops her before she's all the way out.

Jane's eyes are filled with all the emotions she wishes she could admit. This very well could be one of the last times they're ever alive. Hell, _every_ day could be their last out here. She scans Maura's face and ragged clothes before tentatively letting go of Maura's arm. Maybe one day she'll admit what she needs to say, just not right now. "Stick with me, alright?"

Maura grins. "Of course."

They make their way up the front steps and pause at the door. Maura instinctively grabs one of Jane's belt loops like she always does before they go into somewhere potentially dangerous and Jane presses her ear to the door.

She doesn't hear anything, but that doesn't mean it's empty. She takes a deep breath and turns the handle.

It's unlocked.

Maybe this _will_ be their lucky day.

The interior of the house is dark from the thick curtains on the widows. The air is musky and Jane almost laughs. Musky is a thousand times better than the smell of rotting flesh. But they can never be too careful.

Maura clings to her side as they do a clear sweep of the entire first floor. They end in the kitchen and Jane finally feels confident enough to drop her gun. "If we haven't seen them yet, I think we'll be okay. Let's look around down here first and then we'll check upstairs."

Maura tentatively lets go of Jane's belt loop and switches the gun safety on. "Okay."

Jane can hear the tremble in her voice. After all they've seen, she can't really say she's not terrified right now either. She gently runs her hand down Maura's bare arm. "We've got plenty of time until it gets dark outside so there's no reason to split up. We can stay together for this one."

The color visibly comes back into Maura's cheeks. She absolutely did _not _want to split up in a house they had only half checked, but she certainly wasn't going to complain about it if Jane had wanted her to. She starts going through the cabinets on one side of the kitchen while Jane goes through the drawers on the other side.

It's clear that someone had been here before and searched through all the things. It's long minutes before Jane comes across anything useful. But what she does find is worth it.

It's a long, sharp knife. Not as convenient as a pocket knife, but it'd still definitely be useful. Especially if it comes down to them having to catch things to eat. That's something they've yet to do and something they hopefully never will. But if it's their only chance for survival…she'll make sure they survive at all costs.

She bends down and starts going through the cabinets under the sink. She's sniffing some clear liquid in an unmarked bottle when she hears a crack that's shortly followed by a shriek and then a loud thud.

"Maura!" Her heart is pounding in her chest as she quickly turns, gun raised. They've come too far to end in a plantation home in the middle of fucking nowhere.

She looks around the darkened room and sees nothing. She finally hears a whimper and looks down to the floor.

Maura's lying there on her back, one leg out stretched and the other is through a small hole in the floor. Jane drops her gun and crawls over to Maura. She gently helps her sit up and then places both of her hands on pale cheeks. "Are you okay?"

Maura gives a slight nod. "Yes…no. My leg is stuck."

_Right._ Jane moves away from Maura's face and down to her leg. She wraps her hands right below Maura's knee and slowly starts to pull up. She instantly stops when she hears a strangled whimper. She looks back at Maura's face and can tell she's paler than usual, even in the dimness of the room. She glances between her leg and her face. "What's wrong?"

"There's…the wood is jutting out and cutting into my leg whenever I move. You need to make the hole bigger."

Jane looks back down at the floor. The hole is just barely big enough for Maura's leg, there's no way she's going to be able to pry that wood back. She bites her lip as she thinks.

The knife.

She quickly grabs it off the counter and drops to her knees beside the hole. Maura's eyes grow large as she sees the outline of it. Surely Jane isn't going to do something irrational. Like amputate her leg.

"Jane, I…I really like my leg."

Jane rolls her eyes and starts carefully hacking small bits of the wooden floor away. "And I really like_ not_ having to carry you. So I guess I'll let you keep it."

Maura blushes in embarrassment. Even though things have indefinitely changed, she should know Jane would never do anything like that to her. She keeps quiet as Jane slowly cuts away at the floor. It takes at least twenty more minutes until there's a gap large enough for Maura's leg to easily fit through.

Jane lifts her leg out and gently pushes Maura's pant leg up to her knee. There's a four inch gash up the side of her shin. It's not deep, but any little cut is prone to infection when they don't have the medicine to treat it. Jane masks her frown and then looks back up to Maura. "We'll find something to wrap it with. You'll be fine."

She can see the complete trust written all over Maura's face. It just makes Jane love her even more. She moves closer until their faces are mere inches apart. She glances from Maura's eyes, to her lips, then back to her eyes. The urge to kiss those pink, soft lips is overwhelming. Jane moves in a little closer and can feel Maura's breath on her face.

She's so close. But she can't do this. She doesn't want to ruin the best thing she's ever had with someone just because she can't seem to keep it in her pants. Especially not if it meant the remainder of her days would just be awkward silence with the person she lives in a fucking car with.

She pulls back and shakes her head as she stands. She reaches down and helps Maura—who's beyond confused—stand up as well. It's not until she's actually focused and looking down at the floor that she sees it. There's a faint rectangular outline on the floor—hole dead smack in the middle. She grabs Maura's arm and points down. "Is that a hatch?"

Maura limps a little closer and then looks at Jane. "Perhaps. It might just be a defect."

Jane rolls her eyes. "A perfectly rectangular defect? Really? You're unbelievable sometimes." She drops back down to the floor and starts prying at the edges with the knife. It doesn't take long until there's a loud pop and she lifts up the door. Dust flies up as it hits the other side of the floor, but she's not very concerned about that. She's just concerned about the gaping hole in the floor.

The _pitch black_ hole in the floor.

She looks up at Maura and bites her lip. "What if something good is down there?"

"You're not going down there, Jane. Besides, you wouldn't even be able to see if you _did_ happen to find something usable."

She sits back as she thinks. There _has_ to be something she can use.

It's not long before she's laughing and ripping the hem off her shirt. Maura—now concerned about Jane's mental well-being—watches as she moves from cabinet to cabinet. She finally pulls out a wire whisk and wraps the cloth around it. Then she marches back over to the sink and pours the clear liquid she was sniffing all over it.

She holds it up in the air with a smile. "Ha! How about that?"

Maura's eyebrows shoot up. "That's very…creative."

Jane rolls her eyes and grabs her knife as she takes two steps down into the cellar. It's all Maura can do not to grab Jane by the hair and pull her back up in the kitchen. "Jane, I don't think a wire whisk is going to enable you to—"

"—It's drain cleaner." Jane takes the knife and strikes it against the stone cellar walls over and over until the sparks ignite the cloth. She holds it up to Maura and grins. "I was on a job with Pop and accidently caught some on fire—don't ask." She gives a sideways grin and shrugs. "He never let me forget how flammable it was after that."

Maura can't deny that she's impressed. She goes to shakily step down into the cellar but Jane holds up her hand to stop her. "Whoa. Where do you think you're going?"

She tilts her head. "With you?"

"No, you're staying up here." There's no way she's going to let her curiosity kill them both if there actually _is_ one of those things hiding down here.

Hurt flashes across Maura's face and Jane instantly tries to smooth things over in a way that won't make Maura worry. She flashes her best smile. "I need you to be my lookout. It's the most important part."

Maura perks up a bit at that. "It is?"

"Yeah, of course it is. You just yell if you see anything, okay?"

Maura straightens her stance and gives an authoritative nod. "I have your back."

It's all Jane can do not to laugh. "I know."

She turns and slowly starts to make her descent down the stairs. Saying she was scared was the understatement of the year. Her heart pounds in her chest and she transfers the slightly hot metal whisk to her other hand. It's barely emits enough light to see three inches in front of her.

She hears a loud popping noise and she instantly freezes. The hairs raise on her neck as she waits.

"Sorry," Maura calls out.

Leave it to Maura to scare her shitless. Jane's steps are a little slower now, a little more tentative. She finally gets to the bottom of the stairs and walks to the far wall. She holds up the whisk to the shelving and smiles so big it hurts.

Food. Shelves upon shelves of canned food.

Looks like it was their lucky day after all.

….

….

**So, the next chapter is going to have more drama-rama or whatever if you guys think I should keep going. I just figured I'd give a chapter with some background and a little feel for everything. Tell me if you like it or not! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Sorry for the wait, I had to figure out how I wanted the rest of this fic to go since it really was just planned to be a one-shot.**

**It honestly won't be much longer at all (perhaps one more chapter, two at most), but I do hope it is at least slightly entertaining. And yes, it will live up to its rating.**

…

Nearly a third of the cans had been dented—and subsequently deemed unsafe by Maura—and had to be left behind.

Jane scans the back of the SUV, noting that even without the damaged ones they still have enough food to last at least two months. Maybe three if she eats sparingly (there's no way she would willingly let Maura cut back, though) and nothing happens to the rest of the cans.

The sound of Maura coming down the front stairs makes her look up.

And then immediately frown at the sight of the mischievous smile on the other woman's face.

"Maura…"

Maura's head tilts and a pout forms on her lips. "Can we stay? Please?"

Jane looks up towards the dimming horizon. There's not much longer until they should be on the road. It's safer to not be in one place for too long during the day, much less at night when they couldn't see shit if it decided to sneak up on them.

She sighs, not really happy with having to let Maura down once again. "You know we shouldn't."

"But there's a bed and a bathtub," Maura rebuts, "and it's the first house we've came upon in weeks."

"It's not safe," Jane states, her arms crossing in a clear sign of defense. There's almost nothing she wants more than to keep Maura protected now since she nearly failed at doing just that all those months ago.

Maura sets down the buckets and reaches out to uncross Jane's arms, taking one of the scarred hands lightly in her own as they dangle in between them. "We have to stop for at least a few days, Jane. We can't just keep driving around aimlessly night after night after night. It's tiring. And I want to sleep in a real bed. For just tonight," Maura requests in one last attempt. Her head tilts and her thumb lightly traces against the other woman's palm. "Please?"

Jane sighs in defeat. Apparently Maura's happiness—and the beaming, dimpled smile that follows—is the one thing she wants just as much as keeping her safe.

"You know this is a really stupid idea, don't you?"

Maura beams, nearly clapping as she realizes that this argument is actually falling in her favor. "Yes, I'm quite aware that it may not be the soundest plan."

"And you still want to do it?" She shakes her head as she starts walking up the front porch, her boots crunching against the thick dirt accumulated from neglect. "Let's at least be idiots _inside_. C'mon."

After lighting the fireplace and a few candles around the bathroom and living room, Jane starts pushing the heaviest pieces of furniture she can find against the front and back doors. A once impeccable leather couch that's covered in a fine layer of dust, a curio from the kitchen filled with fine china, a recliner so worn that it's obvious it had once been someone's favorite.

She wants to feel bad for tearing into someone's house and taking whatever they can find, but she doesn't.

Not when she and Maura obviously need it more than the people that once owned this house. Those people had surely met the same fate as almost everyone else anyway.

The burning wood from an old chair frame hits her nose and she walks back to the living room. The fire in the fireplace is still going strong, casting an eerie glow on the otherwise darkening room. Maura pulls a pot of boiling water from the fireplace and carries it to the downstairs bathroom before coming back to put another batch in to heat.

"It'll be more efficient if we go together," Maura says through the silence, her eyes watching the embers pop as she waits for the first bubbling to roll across the water's surface.

Jane's head slowly turns and her eyebrows knit—confused, and mostly shocked at the possibility of Maura suggesting what she _thinks_ Maura's suggesting—as she looks over to Maura. "If we _what_?"

"Bathe together," Maura says as nonchalantly as she can, "That way we won't have to boil the water again for you."

Jane literally feels her face heat up hotter than the fire, her palms instantly sweaty. "We—I…that's—"

Maura finally lets out a laugh. A fully-belly laugh that is pure music to Jane's ears. It's been so long since she's heard it that she truly has the fight the tears that involuntarily spring to her eyes.

She's going to try and make sure Maura laughs like that more often.

Jane reaches out and playfully pushes her shoulder. "Under that nice little façade you have going on, you're really just mean."

"Getting you flustered is one of the few forms of entertainment I have left," Maura replies, smug grin on her face. "I've learned to enjoy it."

And Jane would've enjoyed sharing that bath.

Naked.

With Maura.

Though she makes damn sure not to admit _that._

"Anyway," Jane says, slightly clearing her throat to get the aroused rasp out, "A little cold water never killed anyone."

"Actually—"

"—Calm down, Google. I'll heat some more when you're done," Jane interrupts to avoid another drawn-out theory, gently prodding Maura and the heated water towards the bathroom. "Now go."

She follows behind and sits, settling her back against the outside of the bathroom door after Maura shuts it. Placing her handgun on the floor beside her lest she needs it, she listens as Maura settles into the water. Her eyes close as she involuntarily envisions Maura's face as she hisses with the heat as she slowly settles into the water, the way Maura's light skin would turn pink, the way her breasts—_no._

Jane shakes her head to get rid of that thought.

She _definitely _doesn't need to go there again and work herself up just to be left high and dry.

Well…high and wet.

Whatever.

"Feel good?" She yells through the door to break the silence.

There's a water splash, a groan, and then, "Magnificent."

"Can't wait," Jane says, willing herself to think of _nothing _else but her finger tracing patterns in the dirt on the floor.

And definitely, _definitely_ not the naked Maura less than ten feet away on the other side of the door.

By the time Maura finally gets done with her _magnificent_ bath, Jane is fighting sleep and barely managing to mumble a reply to whatever weird trivia question Maura randomly spurts out.

"Sorry," Jane says, stumbling to her feet as Maura comes out in her spare set of clothes as the others dry on the shower curtain rod. "I guess I'm more tired than I thought."

"You look exhausted," Maura replies. She reaches up and her fingers gently cup Jane's face, her thumbs lightly rubbing the dark circles under Jane's eyes.

Jane's breath catches at the soft feel of Maura's hand and hazel eyes snap up to meet her own at the sound. Maura tentatively drops her touch —practically forcing herself to because _all _she wants to do _is _touch Jane—and unknowingly licks her lips. "I'm sorry, I…"

Jane clears her throat and looks away to ease the tension. "What, ah, _which_ bedroom do you want?"

Maura's head tilts, her eyebrows slightly furrowing in confusion like she's wondering why Jane would even ask such a thing. "Whichever one you'll be staying in, of course."

"What?" Jane barely croaks.

Sleeping in a vehicle together is one thing.

And sleeping pressed against each other in said vehicle is one thing. It was normal and she had gotten used to it—that's where they spent most of their time together anyway.

But in a bed?

An honest to God actual bed with sheets and blankets and pillows?

And thoughts of what she could do to Maura in said bed since they would actually have room to move around unlike in their tiny backseat?

That's another thing altogether.

"You can't possibly expect me to be able to sleep by myself after all we've been through," Maura says, willing herself to ignore the flush of Jane's cheeks and the dilation of her eyes. "Not to mention it's safer if we stay together."

And for that, Jane really doesn't have an argument. Maura is right and Jane will do anything, _vowed_ to do anything to keep Maura safe after that horrible day all those months ago.

Even if it means pushing aside her attraction to snuggle up to the love of her life in a damn bed and act like it doesn't mean a single damn thing.

"Alright, alright," she finally answers, clenching her jaw as she leads them upstairs.

….

**Anything in particular you'd like to see before I wrap this thing up? **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks so much for the feedback! **

…

"Alright, this room's fine," Jane says as she shuts the closet door. It's completely bare anyway besides a few hangers haphazardly hanging on the rod—another testament to someone being here and rifling through things long before them.

She turns and, even through the darkened room, she can see Maura warily eyeing the bed. "Don't think about it."

"This used to be someone's bed. Someone's home," Maura whispers, thinking over her own thousands of miles away. Her house probably isn't even standing anymore; she has no idea why she wastes time thinking about it. "They could've slept here right before…"

"Just don't think about it," Jane says, reaching out and squeezing Maura's hand. "And besides, the bed's made. They wouldn't have had time to do that before they left if they _had_ been sleeping in this room, right?"

Maura inhales and tentatively nods. "Most likely."

She pulls down the blankets and the sheets, lightly sitting on the edge of the bed. It's soft and oh,_ so_ much better than sleeping in the car that her worries almost instantly fade and she swings her legs around to lie down completely.

There's really not a word to describe how much she's missed sleeping like this. Just so stretched out and comfortable and_ free_ without her legs crunched against a dashboard or door. It just feels so sinfully good that she sighs and wiggles even further down into the pillow and surrounds herself with the blankets.

Jane starts working off her shoes and walks to the edge of the mattress, but Maura holds up her hand—eyebrows knit. "You stink."

Jane gasps and stands up straight. "That is _so_ rude!"

"Go bathe," Maura orders, pointing towards the door.

"You are so bossy," Jane exclaims, tempted just to crawl in the bed and make Maura deal with it.

"And you are _so _smelly. At least go wipe yourself down a little bit," Maura replies, slightly rolling out her lip—knowing that even in the darkened room, Jane can see it. "Please?"

Jane growls and nearly stomps her foot, but knows it would be futile. With that face, Maura always wins. "Fine. But you better—"

"—Call if I need you," Maura interrupts. "You know, it's a surprise that I remember that. It's not like you remind me every single time we are separated , is it?"

The longer they stay in the car and the longer the Maura is around Jane, the more sarcastic Maura gets. And there's nothing Jane wants more than to shut Maura's perfectly sardonic mouth with a kiss at that very moment.

"Alright, Captain Cranky," Jane says instead as she starts walking towards the door. "Try not to be_ too_ happy while I'm gone."

"Mmm," Maura answers with a smile, their banter reminding her so much of _before. _

She snuggles further down into the blankets and she watches the white of Jane's shirt slowly disappear the further she walks down the hall.

And as the color of Jane's shirt fades into the night, so does Maura's smile. They may spend almost every waking moment together, but even a few seconds apart leaves her feeling so utterly alone. She doesn't know for sure if Jane feels the same, but the reluctance to leave and take her first real bath in weeks—amongst other things— clues Maura in that she does.

And that's a good feeling. It's good to know that she's not the only one entrenched in this relationship so deeply; that this most likely isn't just wholly one-sided. That Jane hopefully needs her just as much as she needs Jane. And even if it's not an equal want, Jane at least needs her to take shifts driving with.

And honestly, even that little scrap is better than not being needed or wanted at all.

It seems like only moments later when Jane saunters back into the room in a too-big shirt and well-worn pants. She props herself up on her elbow, brow knitting together. "How did you—"

"I just used your water," Jane interrupts, already knowing the question without even giving Maura the time to ask. "It was clean enough."

Maura scrunches her nose as Jane gets in the bed beside her. "That had to have been cold already."

"It was either that or nothing at all," Jane says, rolling on her side to face Maura. And that much was true. Not because there was no more water to be heated, but because, honestly, screw heating up a whole batch of water for a ten minute bath. She's too exhausted to even attempt doing that tonight.

Maura scoots closer until their legs are bumping, close enough that she can see every wrinkle and contour of Jane's face. "At least you smell better."

"Gee, thanks."

Maura laughs, reaches out to playfully poke Jane's side. These moments—where it's just them being themselves instead of worrying about food and storms and getting ambushed—are the best moments. And if Jane wasn't here with her… the thought instantly makes her grow serious. A life without Jane in it, wouldn't be a life she'd want to live.

She reaches out, fully intending to touch her fingers to Jane's cheek, but pulls back last second and shoves her hand under the pillow to keep herself from doing anything irrationally stupid. Taking a deep breath, she waits until Jane's eyes meet her own.

"Do you regret it?"

The question catches Jane off guard and her brow furrows. "What?"

"If you could go back," she whispers, honestly afraid to utter her next words, "do you regret it being me?"

The realization of what Maura is really asking hits Jane like a ton of bricks; nearly sucks all the breath from her chest.

After all this time together, this had never been brought up; it was an unspoken rule to _not_ bring it up.

But Maura's looking at her all full of vulnerability and curiosity and maybe a little anticipation of being hurt by Jane's words, so there's no way she can just let this go. It's obviously too serious, too important to Maura to just act like Maura working up all of her courage to ask means absolutely nothing.

Swallowing the sudden knot in her throat, her eyes flutter close as she thinks about that day. Thinks about the way she and the rest of the department blew off the whispered rumors. The way, a week later, it was apparent that those rumors were very true and she was staring down one of those_ things_ in Maura's living room with a gun in her hand, Frankie by her side, and her family standing gape-mouthed behind her.

The way more of those things came pouring in Maura's front door and everyone had rushed out the back one, taking no time to grab anything at all. Just thinking of nothing but running.

The way it was a sunny fall day and everything looked so perfect outside; the sun, the orange and red leaves, the lightly blowing wind. And then, almost instantly those things seemingly started coming from nowhere. Easily more than fifty of those things were climbing and falling over the fence into Maura's backyard and starting to enclose on them.

The way they were absolutely surrounded and surely about to die right there on that back deck.

She likes to pretend she had grabbed at random and it just happened to be Maura that she accidentally ended up latching on to as everyone started to scatter.

But she knows that's not true.

She knows she was desperately reaching for the blood-red of Maura's sleeve—the memory of that color so clearly etched in her mind—to pull the other woman close and run the opposite direction. To keep her safe, protect her at all costs.

And she knows she would do it again.

"No," she finally whispers, opening her eyes to look into hazel ones apprehensively waiting. "I would choose you every time, Maura."

Maura is relieved. Actually, more than relieved. She's _glad._ But being chosen and wanted is not something she's used to, so she is compelled to double check; an attempt to quell her fears. "But what about—"

"Frankie is taking care of everyone." Or at least that's what she tells herself. "But I would _always_ choose you, Maura," Jane says, her own hand sliding under the pillow to squeeze Maura's own with a timid smile. "I'm glad you're here."

Maura smiles, her eyes watering. Knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that someone needs her as much as she needs them is one of the best feelings she's had in a really long time. And she takes a second to savor it; tucking that feeling away to carry with her even in their darkest days.

And at that moment, with Maura looking at her like she hung the moon; with her light eyes shining and a smile clearly written on her face that's just begging to be kissed—Jane hates that damn bed. Absolutely hates it. It's nothing but a reminder of all the mornings she could've woken up next to Maura as a normal couple in a normal world.

And that's something they'll never be able to have.

….

**Review if you have the time! I read all the ones from last time, and there were a lot of good suggestions. This will probably be 3 more chapters now! Thank you for reading and the feedback (: **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: The reviews and PMs have been lovely. Thank you!**

…

The light is slowly starting to seep into the room as the sun starts to peek over the horizon; the only sounds to be heard are the even, deep breaths Maura takes as she sleeps and yet, Jane is already awake. It was the first night she actually _had_ a good place to sleep, but as luck would have it, she couldn't doze off for any more than a few fitful hours—waking up constantly to tighten her hold on Maura; to make sure Maura was still there by her side.

She rubs her eyes in an attempt to not feel so exhausted, and then watches the steady up and down of Maura's chest, the way her breath blows two or three strands of light hair back and forth, the way she looks relaxed and at peace—completely contrary to the way Jane herself had slept.

There's a pang in her chest as the urge to just engulf Maura in her arms and pretend everything is okay and normal outside of these four walls starts to consume her. It shouldn't be like this. Their lives should be _nothing_ like this. They should be at work or, for all she knows, it's Sunday and they should be getting ready for Sunday dinner. Maybe even going for a run together through the park—and no, not running _from _something. Just running together; Maura counting her pulse as they go and Jane watching her out of the corner of her eye.

Anywhere, _anywhere _but living in a car just trying to survive day to day on canned food and what little water they can find. This just isn't how it should be.

But it _is_ what they have, so it's just something they have to deal with. And any life with Maura—in any capacity—is better than no life at all.

She sits up and looks down at Maura. Maura had generally handled ever obstacle they hit so well, and Jane is glad that she actually did listen and give her this one night of semi-normality. If everything looked normal outside when she did a quick surveillance, they might even be able to stay one more. It might be pushing it, but Maura—and she, herself—did need a break, so hopefully just a little longer wouldn't hurt.

Tentatively, she reaches out and her fingers touch the smooth, soft skin of Maura's face as she brushes away those few wisps of hair. Even without the makeup she so often used to wear, she is still beautiful. Maybe even more so in her natural state of appearance. Jane's fingers lightly drop down, tracing Maura's cheek then jaw—thinking she's being unobtrusive—until Maura's brow lightly wrinkles and she emits the smallest groan as she pushes further down into the blankets.

"_Jane_," she whines without opening her eyes.

Jane can't help but smile at the tone. "Go back to sleep," she says, removing her hand from Maura's face and, for some reason completely unknown and seemingly without thinking, she leans over and lightly kisses Maura's forehead.

As soon as she realizes what she's done, she pulls back and freezes—her heart drumming in her chest as she waits for Maura's eyes to pop open, waits for an acknowledgement or_ something_. But as the seconds tick by, nothing happens but the relaxing of Maura's face as her breath evens out again as she falls back to sleep.

Jane sighs heavily, realizing just how horribly that could've turned out.

Or how _well_ it could've turned out.

Either way, today, at least, won't be the day she gets to find out which it'll be.

Turning, she drops her legs off the side of the bed and starts to tug on the standard military issue boots lying on the floor. She's not sure where they had been when they had found them—maybe Ohio?—but hers are black and Maura's are brown with cloth shoved in the toes so they fit her smaller feet. But these are insurmountably better than the shoes either of them had before, and she really hopes they last. Shoes, only behind food and water, are some of the hardest things to find in the desolate world they were now living in and she'd really prefer not to go on a hunt for some any time soon.

Making sure there's a handgun on the nightstand for Maura to have lest something happens, she leaves and makes her way through the barricade at the front door to go outside. It looks normal enough outside as she cracks open the door. No sign of any disturbance to the dirt on the front porch besides their own feet prints; the SUV—and subsequently all of their food—looks untouched.

Her hand instinctively clutches her gun as her feet crunch on the dry grass while she makes her way around the perimeter; looking this way and that for signs of anything other than themselves being there. After walking around the large plantation house twice, everything looks to be normal so she makes her way around to the shed in the back.

It's decrepit and clearly old, with the whitewash is chipping off the wooden sides in large hunks. She hopes that maybe, just _maybe _they'll actually be something in there more useful than what little had remained inside the home.

But after nearly half an hour of searching, all she finds are a few scraps of wood, a shovel, and useless power tools that don't do a damn thing without any electricity. She slams the door shut in frustration as she walks out. Finding anything useful was becoming harder and harder and she hates it. What happens when the day comes where they can't find anything at all?

The smell of burning wood fills her nose as she gets closer to the door. She pushes her way through the blockade she had set up to see Maura sitting in front of a fire in the hearth in a red shirt and a pair of fitted black pants Jane has never seen before.

"Sleep good?" She says as she drops down to the floor by Maura. Reaching out, she pinches some of the black material of the pants on Maura's thigh, pulls, and lets it snap back tightly to Maura's skin.

"Quite well," Maura replies, a smile forming on her lips when Jane doesn't move her hand away from resting on Maura's thigh. "I found a bag of clothes in the downstairs bedroom."

Jane gives a sideways smirk, squeezing the thigh beneath her fingers. "I knew I kept you around for a reason."

Smiling back, Maura teasingly raises her eyebrow. "Does that mean I get brownie points for finding an outfit for you to wear after your bath?"

"Yeah I'd say that's worth a few…"she trails off, brow furrowing. "But I already took a bath last night, Maura. Remember?"

"I remember you taking a _cold_ one," Maura retorts nearly rolling her eyes at Jane's misplaced worry. "So I filled it up for you again while you were out. If you hurry, it should still be hot."

She smiles without even willingly meaning to do so. Maura was so kind even in the roughest times and that, along with so much else, only made Jane love her more. Leaning in towards Maura to close the small space between them, she quickly stops as she realizes what she's doing—almost kissing Maura.

_Again. _

Clearing her throat, she avoids Maura's eyes as she awkwardly pulls back to stand. "Ah, that's—thanks."

"Do you want me to heat up something to eat while you're in there?"

"That's good," Jane calls over her shoulder as she walks away, "Yeah, that's…good. Just, yeah. Good."

Jane leans back against the door as soon as she closes it, her head thudding against it. She really, really needs to get her shit together and keep it under control.

After scrubbing her skin in the warm water with one of the few remaining bars of soap they have, she gets out and dresses in the clothes Maura had laid by the sink. The pants are tight and a few inches short, but her boots should be able to cover the bare skin of her ankles, and the shirt actually fits better than the one she had been wearing before.

She comes out of the bathroom, wet hair dangling wildly around her shoulders, and takes the plate of fire-warmed food Maura holds out to her.

"Thanks."

No awkwardness is there between them—_thank god—_as Maura smiles and pats the floor beside her as she sits. "So? How'd it feel?"

Jane pauses mid-chew and looks up. "How'd _what _feel?"

"Actually having warm water?" Maura says, head tilted with a small grin.

"Oh, that," Jane says, looking back down. "It was good."

"Great! I wanted to make sure you got to experience it before we left."

Jane glances out of the corner of her eye, watches the small smile on Maura's lips. It's sad when something as simple as talking about bathing could make her so happy. Jane wishes that she had more to offer Maura. She really does. But now…she might as well make the best of what they've been given.

"We can stay another day," she says with a shrug, trying to seem nonchalant. "Y'know, if you want to."

"Really?" Maura tentatively says, nearly afraid to get her hopes up.

Jane forces a smile on her face and bumps their shoulders together. "Yeah, sure. Why not?"

…..

**Already started the next chapter. I hope you are ready for it… (;**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: The responses have been lovely, thank you so much. **

…

Jane looks at the six worn and weathered cards left in her hand. They are dirty, bent, and she's pretty sure they had lost a spade over the past months since they found them, but the cards still serve their purpose well enough for a few simple games every now and then to take their minds off the perpetual dreariness around them.

After the last search of the house that had taken them until midday to complete, Jane had pulled out the cards and Maura had begged to play crazy eights—a game Jane had repeatedly refused to play in the past. But Maura's eyes were shining and her bottom lip was rolled out, and Jane absolutely could _not_ bring herself to say no to that.

But that was nearly three hours ago, and now she has six cards clutched in her hand and Maura's down to one—and instead of that ever-convincing pout, there's a smug grin adorning Maura's lips as she waits for Jane to take her turn.

Jane's pretty sure the only reason Maura had picked this was to watch her lose.

Repeatedly.

She nearly growls as she is forced to draw another card from the small, lopsided deck placed between them on the upstairs bed. "Did I mention how much I hate this stupid game?"

"Many, many times," Maura replies, a huge smile on her face as she lays down her last card. "But did I mention how much I love to win?"

"What?" Jane looks at the 8 of spades Maura had tossed down. "You can't even do that, Maura!"

Maura's brow knits, her head tilting as she looks from the deck back up to Jane. "Of course I can. The rules clearly state tha—"

"Well the Rizzoli rules clearly state that your last card can't be an eight," Jane fibs, picking back up the card and tossing it to Maura's lap. Her ego really can't handle another loss today. "Now draw another one."

Maura huffs and quickly jerks the top card from the deck to add to her hand. "You are such a cheater, Jane."

"No I'm not," Jane laughs at the pout already back on Maura's lips. "I'm just…competitive."

"A competitive _cheater_," Maura mumbles as she watches Jane lay down another card.

A playful, sideways smirk graces Jane's mouth as she watches Maura draw again. "What was that, Doctor _Sassypants_?"

"You heard me, _Detective_ Sassypants," Maura drawls, licking her lips as a grin slowly forms.

"Don't make me come over there," Jane warns, smiling, as she drops another card onto the pile.

"So not only are you a cheater, but you're also a potentially violent cheater as well," Maura teases. "Even better."

Before Jane can come up with a halfway decent comeback, Maura lays down her last card and looks up with a smirk and shining eyes. "Is there another rule I'm unaware of, or am I actually allowed to win now?"

"No," Jane retorts with a scrunched nose, her remaining cards scattering as she tosses them down. "_You win_."

"Yay!" Maura exclaims just loud enough to get under Jane's skin, and she claps her hands together. "Do I get a prize for beating you six times in a row?"

"Yeah," Jane deadpans, "You get to hand wash our clothes all by yourself for the next two months if you keep rubbing it in."

Maura uncrosses her legs and tilts her head in the haughtiest way she can. Getting a rise out of Jane is one of the few remaining fun things she has left to do in their drab and dreary car-dwelling days, and she's learned to love watching that half scowl, half proud-smile form on Jane's face. "One would think that you would've at least won once consi —"

She's cut off by Jane lunging across the small space between them. Almost instantly, she starts laughing as Jane pokes her sides exactly where she's most ticklish—until she and Jane both realize that Jane has her pinned down against the bed with her full body weight and their faces are only mere inches apart.

Jane's smile is the first to start fading into seriousness. She looks from hazel eyes, to pink lips and quickly back up. "I'm—uhm, sorry."

She starts to pull back, but pauses at Maura's whispered, "Don't be."

Her brow furrows and she scans Maura's face; seemingly looking for the real meaning behind her words. "What?"

"Don't be sorry," Maura says louder this time, miraculously keeping her voice from shaking. She reaches up and grasps Jane's upper arms; subconsciously making sure Jane doesn't pull away. "I…this is," she starts, trying to think of words that convey what she means. She has to blink quickly as her eyes start to water, and she clutches on to Jane's biceps a little tighter. "I've been waiting for this fo—"

The press of Jane's lips against her own cut off any words she might've said. But it doesn't matter. Those words are already forgotten_, insignificant_ to this feeling Jane has so effortlessly stoked inside of her by the simple brush of their mouths together.

It's tentative and slow, it's just soutterly right and so utterly perfect that Maura wouldn't change anything about it.

Jane pulls back only seconds later and nervously looks down to Maura; one of her hands coming up and lightly cupping Maura's face as her thumb strokes Maura's cheek. "Was that okay?"

Maura grins and leans into the touch of Jane's hand. "More than okay."

"Good," is all Jane says before leaning back down and kissing Maura more firmly, more confidently than before.

Maura finally releases her grip on Jane's arms to tangle her hands in dark curls to bring Jane closer, her teeth nipping at Jane's lower lip and then her tongue finally pushing forward to claim every bit of space in Jane's mouth as her own. This just feels so good and so right; she honestly didn't even know exactly how much she _really_ needed this until this very moment. Until Jane is above her and all around her; Jane's hands running over every inch of her skin they can reach until they get greedy and slip under her shirt to reach even more.

Jane starts to pull back and she clings tighter to Jane's back, unwilling to let her go incase she's about to run. Jane lightly kisses her, soothingly. "Relax. I'm not going anywhere."

She has absolutely no doubt that Jane is telling the truth and she exhales in relief. She should know better. Jane hasn't left her before, and she knows Jane will never leave her in the future. Not even now; not even after they take this leap into almost terrifying, uncharted territory.

Her arms drop to the bed from Jane's back and she lifts up her hips so Jane can tug off her pants. She feels her body flush with the intensity of Jane's eyes—eyes that are roaming up every inch of her bare legs, up her stomach, up to where her shirt is bunched up right below her breasts, before finally settling on her face. Her stomach clenches when she feels Jane's feather light touch roams up the inside of her calves to rest upon the tops of her thighs.

So reverent. Caring. Gentle. Like Jane's afraid this isn't really happening and maybe Maura just might disappear under her fingertips at any second and is absolutely terrified to let go. Jane's fingers finally push up just a little bit more and hook on the edges of her underwear to start pulling them down. "I'm sorry it took me so long."

And at that, a light and airy laugh finally bubbles from Maura's lips. This is real and this is happening and she just feels too _good_ to be so serious. She pulls her legs out of the underwear when Jane finally drags them to her ankles. "It's not merely one-sided, Jane. I could've spoken up," she smiles as she pulls on Jane's arm. "Just try not to take any longer."

With a smile on her lips, Jane shakes her head at that. So typically Maura to make her feel more at ease. She moves up to hover over Maura and leans down to kiss one of those dimples before shifting all of her weight to one arm while the other travels between them, between Maura's bent legs.

Jane's long fingers trail the length of her wet, wanting center until she bucks up and they finally slide lower and two slowly push inside. She quietly, but whole heartedly cries out at the sensation of being filled. At the sensation of finally being completed for what seems like the very first time of her life.

Jane starts slowly and gently. Like what they're doing is delicate and one wrong move might shatter it into bits and they'll be left to live out an awkward existence together for the rest of their lives.

But then Maura's fingers work under Jane's shirt and her nails start to dig into Jane's back in a desperate plea for more; a plea for more _right now._ Her own personal way of conveying that she's waited so long; that she won't break and this isn't going to break them.

Jane understands—even with no words spoken, she understands and starts to move into Maura quicker, deeper, harder until Maura's own fingers work their way inside Jane's pants and start to rub quickly against Jane's clit to match the pace that's been set.

It's heavy breathing and gasps and light moans until Maura's eyes finally open to look up into Jane's. A plea; a forewarning of her own impending release.

But she holds it off until Jane's head drops and she whispers, "Now. I'm—now."

It's only a few thrusts and mere seconds after Jane's when her own body lurches up, tensed and suspended slightly above the bed—her eyes shut and a light whimper spilling from her lips as she finally comes apart in Jane's arms.

Light aftershocks wrack her body as Jane lightly settles against her—Jane's arms wrapped around her and Jane's cheek resting against her chest. It's not the first time she notices how well their bodies fit so perfectly together, but it doesn't mean she appreciates how wonderful it feels any less.

She waits until their breathing slows from labored to synchronized and normal before she reaches up to wrap her arms around Jane's back—to hold her, to enjoy the full weight of Jane pressing down on her own.

"What does this mean?" She finally asks after a few, long moments of lazy, contentment.

"That we're finally getting what we wanted."

"Wha—"

"Forever, Maura," Jane replies, shifting to look up at Maura's face. "Me and you."

Maura fights the smile tugging at her lips. "So no running from this?"

"Where am I gonna run, Maura? We sleep less than two feet from each other in _a car_," Jane replies, laughing as Maura playfully pinches her side. "No running. Promise."

"Good," Maura smiles, pulling Jane up for a light kiss. "Because I like this."

Jane grows a little more serious; looks at every dip and contour of Maura's face as she thinks about how lucky she is to have Maura in her life—about how easy it would be to lose her in this fractured world they're living in. About how she's going to cherish each and every moment they have together from here until the end.

She wraps her arms more tightly around Maura's body; holds her close as she rests her cheek back on Maura's chest. Finally and _truly_ happy despite everything the last year has thrown at them. Because now, they have each other—utterly and completely and she's not going to let that change without giving one hell of a fight.

"Me too."

….

**Okay, this is technically the end. Yay! But I'll probably be adding an epilogue as well. Thank you so much for reading /reviewing/favoriting. You guys are wonderful. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Oops, I lied. It's not over yet. **

* * *

The woman in the seat next to Jane is ghastly pale. Beads of sweat are forming on her temples, plastering pieces of hair to her forehead, slowly rolling down pallid cheeks. She had been mumbling complete nonsense in a daze, but that stage is long past. Now…now the only sounds tumbling from her lips are labored breaths that are so uneven, that Jane often holds her own as she waits for the next.

She doesn't want it to be true. She's prayed and begged and cried, but the outcome is still the same.

Maura is dying and there's nothing she can do about it.

They haven't passed any water in two days, and the only respite from the Nevada desert heat is at nightfall with the windows cracked. Jane has taken to driving during the day since that would be the most likely time to run into someone else; the most likely way she could spot something that would help them. But it's been days, and she's found nothing.

She reaches over and takes Maura's scorching-hot hand in her own and strokes it with her thumb. "Just hang on a little longer for me, alright?" She looks across the vast, dry horizon. "There has to be some fucking water out here somewhere."

Minutes…hours slowly tick by and Maura's pulse grows even weaker. Jane finally sees a small, deserted town towards the north and she prays to everything she can think of that there will be something there to help them.

Normally she would park the SUV on the outskirts of town in case they ran into trouble and would be able to get out of there with an unharmed vehicle. But now Maura can't even sit up on her own, much less yell loud enough to be heard so far away. Jane drives down the cracked, dull-gray road through the middle of the dilapidated town until she finally spies a small gas-station. It will probably be devoid of anything useful, but at this point—there's no harm in trying.

After killing the engine, she reaches over and presses her lips against Maura's forehead. She's still burning up, but not nearly as badly as before. Jane hopes that's a good sign, but she can't be sure.

"Maura," she whispers.

Nothing.

"Maura, please," she begs, dropping her forehead to rest against the crown of Maura's hair. "I can't do this without you. I don't _want _to do this without you. So you have to wake up. Do you hear me? You _have_ to wake up," she finishes with a raspy voice thick from impending tears.

But Maura doesn't stir, and a distressed whimper works its way from Jane's throat. If she loses Maura now…there's no reason for her to keep going either.

After one more plea, she finally wills herself out of the car to check for supplies. Expired pre-made sandwiches, broken coffee machines, and fading scratch off tickets litter the floor. Old milk bottles are tipped over and dripping down the glass shelves of the broken coolers.

She finds a pack of half-opened batteries under an empty shelf. They won't fit the flashlight she has now, but there's no way she would leave them behind. She tucks them in her pocket and walks back to the coolers one last time. It's hard to see in them, and they're hot and look completely empty, but she runs her hand across the shelves just for the hell of it.

Just when she's about to give up, her hand wraps around a cool, plastic bottle. Her heart rate quickens as she pulls it out.

And when she looks down, a bottle of orange Gatorade rests in her hand.

It's not water, but it'll do.

She starts jogging back out to the vehicle with Maura's name on her lips, but stops dead in her tracks as soon as she steps around the door.

Men dressed in colors designed to blend in with the sand surround the SUV, each clad with a gun in their hands. She jerks the pistol from her waistband and points it towards them. There's no way they've come this far to be murdered in the desert by people that aren't even infected.

Almost instantly, the men raise theirs and she's staring down the barrels of twelve guns.

Even for Jane Rizzoli, the odds don't look very good.

She clenches her jaw, and her arm starts to shake in anger as one of the men pecks at the passenger window. "Leave her the fuck alone."

It's a younger man, and he turns to her unarmed. "What's wrong with her?"

She says nothing. Simply keeps aiming at his head.

He holds up both of his hands. "Was she bitten?"

"No," she finally growls out.

He bends two of his fingers, and the men all reluctantly lower their weapons. Despite his age, he's clearly the leader of this small group. Which is just as well. He exudes calmness and strength and maybe a little bit of trustworthiness. But in the year and a half that they've been running, she's learned to trust no one. No one but Maura. And Maura isn't able to guide her right now.

He takes a small step to Jane. "Can you tell me what's wrong with her?"

Her eyes dart from one man to the next, and the grip on her gun tightens despite the fact that they're clearly not here to harm her. After a few, long seconds she finally nods. "An infection."

He takes another reluctant step towards her. "Can I ask how she got it? So we can help her."

"Bullshit," she sneers.

His lips turn up in response to her feistiness. "Really," he softly assures, "We have a secured base about four miles from here. Doctors. Living quarters. Food. We can help her, if you'll let us."

She doesn't trust them. Not at all. But Maura needs help. Quickly. And she will do anything to make sure she gets it.

Slowly, she lowers her gun to her side. "We were running from some of those things and we ran into a barbed wire fence. They were getting closer, so I had to yank her out of it," she starts before briefly glancing down. Hating herself for being the reason for all of this. "It's not deep, but it's…it's still pretty bad."

He nods. "At least you got her out of there."

She skeptically looks from one of their faces to the other. She doesn't want to let her guard down, but these aren't the faces of people who want to kill them for dinner. There's a difference in the hard-eyes of a murder and the gentle ones of good people. She worked on the force long enough to tell the difference.

Taking a small step forward, she glances to Maura in the car. "Will you help us?"

He nods and points to a dark green truck parked behind the SUV. "Follow us to base. If you feel uncomfortable at any time, you're free to leave."

"Good to know," she mutters sardonically..

Once she's in the car, she leans over and brushes away some of the matted hair from Maura's face. "We found some help. You'll be fine, Maur. Just stay with me, okay? You'll be fine. "

True to his word, they pull up to a heavily secured building with a makeshift—but obviously effective—metal fence surrounding the perimeter barely four miles away. It looks to be an older, tiny school with maybe only two stories. The windows are boarded, and several guards patrol the roof on foot.

Realizing she's holding Maura's hand, she gives it a soft squeeze as they are finally allowed to drive through the gates.

But almost instantly, the passenger door is opened and Maura is lifted out by people in white zip-up suits and laid on a make-shift gurney. Panicking, Jane jumps out of the car, but a man holds her back as they roll Maura away. "Wait. Stop! Where are you taking her?"

More hands start pulling her back. A small-statured African American woman, no more than 30, walks up and puts a calming hand on Jane's arm. "Ma'am. Please calm down so we can explain."

Jane uses her last reserve of strength and lunges forward. She grabs the woman by the collar of her shirt and jerks her close. She knows she's being more abrasive than she should be, but she's scared—no terrified, that they've came so far just to lose Maura now because of her own stupidity.

"Tell me where the hell you're taking her," she nearly growls.

The woman struggles to take a step backwards. "We took her to the infirmary. You can see her as soon as she's stable and you've been decontaminated."

Jane's eyes narrow and she jerks the woman closer to her face. "And why should I trust you?"

"You don't really have a choice."

…


	8. Chapter 8

"Hell no," she snarls to the man standing in front of her. He's standing on his toes in an attempt to discretely close the difference in their heights, but she still towers over him—ruining the only intimidation tactic he has.

His eyes briefly flick down to her fingers tightening around her gun. "Ma'am, you'll get it back. It's procedure to take and log all weapons that will be inside the facility."

Crossing her arms, she stands ram-rod straight which nearly adds another inch to herself. "Well forgive me if I don't give a shit about your procedure right now."

Sweat is starting to accumulate on his brow from standing in the hot Nevada sun, and he furiously wipes it away with the back of his hand. It's clear that he's starting to get frustrated. "Listen. No one is allowed inside with a gun and that inclu—"

He's cut off by the young man that led Jane and Maura to the base earlier. "Ryan," he clamps his hand on the short man's shoulder. "She's been cleared. Now if you would just go move her vehicle to a safer area, I'm going to take her inside and show her around."

The short man opens and closes his mouth in confusion before shaking his head and walking away. Jane looks to the young man now in front of her and narrows her eyes. "Cleared for what?"

Smiling, he holds his hand out towards her. "I don't think we've been probably introduced. Colonel Eric Bellario. Originally from Las Vegas."

"Jane Rizzoli…Boston." Skeptically, she tentatively takes it and shakes. "You look a little young to be a Colonel."

He nods. "I am. But after all of this," he waves his hand towards to land around them, "those of us that were left got bumped up in rank to fill in the gaps. I went from Major Bellario to Colonel overnight." He gives a wry, half-grin. "It was quite the shock."

"I bet." She's quiet for a moment—the words hanging in the air between them as she thinks about those she's lost as well. But she quickly shakes her head and gives a tight-lipped grin. "But you still didn't answer my question."

"About being cleared?" She nods. "Well we normally make everyone go through a few weeks of training just to make sure they're stable and can handle a gun," he says, maneuvering them both up the broken sidewalk to the front door. "But I know a skilled gunman when I see one. You know what you're doing; you're trained…I see no reason take your gun."

"Like you could've," she scoffs under her breath.

Showing his makeshift badge to the guards at the doors, he waits for them to verify before he leads Jane inside. "What kind of detective were you?"

"Homicide," she replies. She starts to ask— _demand_ to see Maura if she has to, but then they step through the front door and the words forming on her lips evaporate into thin air. She holds her hand up to the ceiling and _almost _smiles. "Is that…"

"Air conditioning," he proudly boasts. "One of our guys rigged the generator to a car motor. As long as we have gas, we have air. And lights."

Only then does she notice the light fixtures above her head shining brightly. She squints as she looks up into them. "That's…wow. I haven't seen lights in…a long time."

He laughs. "Exactly what I said. The man's a fucking genius. Wait until you meet him."

Focused on her surroundings instead of Eric, Jane absentmindedly nods. "Hmm. Can't wait."

The hallways they walk down are white-washed with multi-colored lockers lining the walls, and each former classroom has been transformed and is clearly being used. She doesn't know for what, exactly, until they walk past one with an open door. Inside are several cots with pillows and blankets atop them, and small, tattered curtains hanging from the ceiling for privacy between each one. They look incredibly crowded, but so, _so_ much better than the inside of the cramped SUV she and Maura had been living in for so long.

"How does that sound?"

She tears her eyes away from the tiny room and looks back to him. "What?"

He smiles. "I was just saying we should get you a room so you can get cleaned up and check on your friend."

_Maura. _

She quickly nods and starts briskly stomping down the hall in a true Rizzoli fashion—despite the fact she has no idea where she's going.

* * *

The room they put her in is furnished with five cots but is completely vacant except for herself. If she's being honest, she likes it that way. If she can't be with Maura, she really doesn't want to be with anyone at all.

After making sure to lock the door, she strips and sits on the edge of a cot with a basin of water and a rag. The water is so cold it's almost unbearable, but she scrubs at her skin so fiercely it turns bright red. She scrubs so hard she's sure it would hurt if she could feel it; if she wasn't so busy thinking about everything.

Thinking about Maura.

And at this point, Maura _is_ everything that matters.

_If she had been watching where they were going, maybe Maura wouldn't have fallen into the fence._

_If she had listened to Maura about staying close to water instead of the desert, maybe Maura wouldn't have gotten sick._

_If she could've just been better, stronger, __**more**__…maybe Maura would still be okay._

_If, if, if…_

By the time she's done, silent tears are rolling down her face. Maura has to be okay. She _has_ to be.

Jane will never forgive herself if she isn't.

* * *

She heads to the second floor expecting it to be unalike the first, and she's right. Plastic drapes along the walls and floors, and there is only a single cot in each room. There are people in each suffering from various need of medical attention—broken bones, infections, dehydration, pneumonia—and she wonders how, exactly, these people are finding the medications to treat them with.

But as long as they help Maura, she doesn't really care.

She passes each as quietly as she can until she's led to Maura's at the very end of the corridor. A woman scrubs Jane's hands with a potent smelling liquid until her nails are shiny and her skin is raw. She starts to complain until she is _politely_ informed that the germs carried on her could easily worsen Maura's condition.

Jane promptly shuts her mouth.

The faint smell of something akin to watered-down bleach fills her nose as soon as she steps inside the room. Half of the overhead lights are off, making the room just dim enough to be disconcerting.

"She's pretty bad off right now, honey, but it's nothin' a little prayer won't fix," the woman cheerily says with a wide smile plastered on her face.

Jane barely contains a scoff. Prayer didn't save her family. Prayer didn't save the little boy they had found on the side of the road wrapped in a tattered blue blanket and left for dead. Prayer hasn't helped _anything, _and she highly doubts it will help Maura now. So why waste her breath?

She glances anywhere except for the cot in the middle of the room, and clears her throat to whisper. "Is she…how is she?"

The woman squeezes her shoulder. "Now there's no reason to be scared. It's not like she'll bite," she almost forcefully shoves Jane to the center of the room. "So go on now. She needs ya."

Before she knows it, the door clicks behind her and she finally forces herself to walk towards Maura's still form. When she gets close enough to see, the shuddering breath she takes is involuntary. The pallor of Maura's skin makes the dark circles under her eyes and sunken cheeks even more pronounced than they were only days before. Her lips are dry and cracked from not enough water, and her hair is sticking to her forehead in thick clumps as her high fever starts to break.

Jane refuses to look at the thick bandage around the gaping wound on Maura's arm. Instead, she clasps a thin, clammy hand as she bends down and rests her forehead against Maura's own.

"Maura, I—God," she whispers almost inaudibly before pulling back. Not letting go of Maura's hand, she lightly sits on the edge of the cot. Her throat feels like it's on fire from forcing down a sob. "You have to wake up, okay? You have to. I can't do this without you."

She waits. Watches. Hopes by some miracle Maura's eyes will flutter open.

But the moment doesn't come, just like she knew it wouldn't, and she doesn't stop the tears that fall. She runs her free hand up and down Maura's blanket covered thigh and then gives a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you."

Far too soon, she's roused by a knock on the wooden door. She doesn't even consider letting Maura's hand go as she glances up. Eric steps in the doorway and his lips turn up sympathetically.

"I hate to disturb you already," his eyes flicker to Maura quickly, "But your shift starts soon and I'd like to personally show you the ropes."

Her eyes narrow. "What shift?"

"Everyone has to earn their keep to stay here," he says bluntly. Then his eyes light up confidently. "But I think I picked something you'll like."

Her jaw firmly set, she sits higher up in plastic chair. "I'm not going anywhere until I know she's okay."

He looks between them. Finally he sighs, and Jane can tell he's admitted defeat. "Fine. But you start as soon as she's well."

Defiance runs through her. "And if I don't?"

His eyes darken. "Then you have to leave. No exceptions," he says harshly. But he covers it with a grin and whirls on his heel towards the hall. "See you soon."

But the threat hardly bothers her, she thinks, as she looks down to Maura. They didn't come here to work. They didn't come here to live. They only came here for help.

After Maura is well, they will be on their way. She's sure of it.


	9. Chapter 9

**I threw in a flash back this chapter just because I felt like it. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

Just like the past two mornings, Jane refuses to avert her eyes as the gauze on Maura's injured arm is peeled away. This whole ordeal is a result of her mistakes; she doesn't deserve to shy away from seeing the damage she's caused the one person she loves most.

The gash is deep and more than a few inches long on the inside of Maura's pale bicep. The edges ooze green and brown, festered almost more than before, and Jane is convinced she can smell the infection from her seat beside the bed. She glances up to the woman that had scrubbed her own hands a couple of days ago.

"How is she?"

The woman's mouth breaks into a grin that, although probably not entirely genuine, lifts Jane's spirits ever so slightly. "She's doin' right fine, Jane. I daresay she'll be up and about in no time." She starts prepping another area on Maura's skin for an antibiotic injection. "This one's a trooper, ain't she?"

Jane's lips curl up slightly in a swell of pride as she glances down to Maura's now sallow form. "Yeah. She is."

A few minutes tick by with nothing but the sound of sterile gauze being unwound to fill the room. The nurse finally clears her throat.

"This might be a little forward of me," the woman starts as she continues to work, "but I was wonderin' if you two were involved?"

Jane's face reveals nothing. "If I say yes, will that be a problem?"

"Heaven's no!" The woman laughs, waving a hand through the air. "Nothin' like that."

"Oh." Jane gives the smallest grin. "Then, yeah. We are."

The woman starts to pull off her gloves. "My daughter was with the sweetest woman on that side of the Mississippi." She smiles, but Jane can see the far away look in her brown eyes. "I hope they've fared as well as y'all."

Jane tries to give a reassuring smile. "I'm sure they have."

"But enough about me," the woman says, resuming her normal perkiness. "How 'bout you come downstairs with me for some breakfast?"

Hesitantly, Jane looks to Maura lying beside her. She still looks so pale and so weak, and Jane promised that she would be by Maura's side until she awakes. "Thanks, but—"

"Nonsense," the woman interrupts. "You've been here in this room hardly eatin' or sleepin' and barely taking time to use the bathroom for days. So come on now. Takin' a walk will do ya some good."

Just as she's about to make another excuse, the woman starts pulling on her arm. "She'll still be here when we get back, honey. I'm sure she'd like you to give her hand a rest just as much as you need to give your ass a break from sittin' on that ol' chair."

Jane grunts as she gets pulled to the door. "You could at least tell me your name before dragging me off against my will."

"It's Darlene. Now come on, we gotta put some meat on your skinny bones."

Jane scowls as she falls into step beside Darlene. She swears she can hear the other woman utter, "stubborn as an ox," beneath her breath.

Darlene leads them to a room on the first floor that was clearly the cafeteria when the building had still functioned as a school. Long tables are pushed together to form uneven rows across the length of the room, and the mismatched and brightly colored chairs look just as inviting as the one upstairs. Most of the people are talking and laughing with each other as they eat—like absolutely nothing is wrong with the world outside of these walls.

Jane's jaw clenches. She knew she should've just had her food brought up to Maura's room again.

The light pressure of Darlene's hand on her arm prompts Jane to look away and follow to the front of the room. The food is far from gourmet, but it doesn't make her any less impressed. Anything is better than the cold, canned food they have been living off of for the past few months.

After getting her rationed amount, she follows Darlene to an empty table. They eat in companionable silence for a few minutes until Jane finally looks up. "Can I ask you something, Darlene?"

Another friendly smile. "Of course, honey. Ask away."

Jane glances quickly around the room. "Where _are_ we? Maura and I barely saw a handful of people in the last few months. Alive ones, anyway. Then we come here and there are over a _hundred_? How?"

A wrinkle forms on Darlene's otherwise smooth forehead. "Didn't Eric tell ya nothing?"

"I haven't really had time to chit chat," she snaps.

"Oh," Darlene replies—ignoring the chill of Jane's words and instead wiping a strand of her red hair away from her face. "Well I'll try to explain the best I can. This here place is called Sector 4—"

Jane's eyebrows shoot up. "You mean there are more places like this?"

Darlene nods. "Last I heard, they just opened a 12th in Alabama."

Jane notices the wistful look on Darlene's face. "Is that where you're from?"

She grins broadly. "How could ya tell?"

"Lucky guess." Idly, Jane moves her spoon in the oatmeal in her bowl as she thinks. "Are you going to back?"

"No," she says as she looks down to her food. "Not unless my daughter's there."

Jane's eyebrows slowly start to pull together. "How will you know? If she is, I mean."

"Every sector like this keeps a list of who checks in and out," Darlene explains as she takes a sip of her water. "I'll just keep checkin' till I see her name."

The spoon slips from Jane's fingers. "They have a list?"

"Of course, dear. They keep track of every person, every scrap of food, and every bit of medicine that goes in and out of each sector. It helps with distributin' supplies. Maybe even findin' someone ya lost."

"Where's the list at?" Jane asks, trying to hide the optimism on her face.

"Be sure to talk to Eric the next time ya see him," Darlene responds. "He'll let ya look, I'm sure of it."

She replies with nothing; hoping that her silence belies the anxiousness she feels.

There is more silence between them, but it is not awkward. Which, Jane thinks, is strange since the only person she's been around is Maura for months upon months. Long, easy silences with Maura as they drove along the highway. Quiet laugher in the dark over a half-attempted joke found funnier by lack of sleep. The tickle of Maura's breath against Jane's neck as they slept, cramped, in the back seat of the car. For months, everything Jane has done has been with Maura. _Only_ Maura.

She hadn't thought she would take to being in someone's company so well, so soon.

Darlene's spoon catches the light above as she raises it to her lips. "Fancy tellin' how _you_ got here?"

Jane attempts to nonchalantly shrug. "It's not important."

But it _is_ important. But remembering is hard. It _hurts_. And she hasn't known Darlene long enough to share those kinds of feelings with her, even if she does like their silence. Only Maura gets to see that side of Jane. No one else.

Darlene lifts a thin brow. "If you're lookin' for someone, it sounds important to me."

Silence looms between them until Jane can no longer take it. Darlene has been so nice to her—has gone out of her way, it seems, to make Jane more comfortable and to help her feel less worried. The least she can do is share a little. Just a little. A watered down version of how this new version of Maura and Jane's life came to be.

Her body weight sags in the chair. "We left Boston sixteen, maybe seventeen months ago. She—Maura—has been asking to go back for a while now but," she swallows hard enough to be audible, "I can't. Not yet."

"Scared of what you're gonna find?"

"No," she quickly replies.

Darlene's voice softens. "Scared of what you _won't_?"

She thinks about her empty apartment. Would it be covered in layers of dust like those abandoned houses in the horror films she had watched with Frankie as a child? Had her fridge been ransacked by rodents and insects trying to find even the smallest scrap? Maybe Jo had somehow found a way out and made it somewhere safe. She didn't want to think about what remains if Jo didn't. She thinks about the empty guesthouse that used to house her mother; remembers the rest of her family fleeing in the other direction. Maybe towards survival.

Maybe not.

There's no way she can go back there. Not if she won't find what she's been looking for—or, rather, _whom_.

Jane's laugh is humorless. "Something like that."

"Well there's nothing in Boston the last I heard, but there's a sector in Maine you could probably check. Maybe even the one in DC." The red haired woman covers Jane's hand in her own. "It'll work out, dear. You'll see."

A tight-lipped grin is the best she can manage. "Thanks."

Picking up her bowl, Darlene smiles brightly to clear any ill-effects of their somber conversation. "Now how about some coffee?"

Involuntarily, Jane licks her lips. "You have coffee?"

"Only one of the many perks that the head of the kitchen staff bein' sweet on ya brings," Darlene laughs. "Well don't look at me like that! I wouldn't have made it this far without a little bit of fire in me, honey. Now come help me."

She eyes Darlene warily. "Help you what?"

"Be my guard dog, of course! As soon as these people smell fresh coffee, they'll be on us like white on rice. It's your job to keep 'em away," Darlene says in a tone that Jane can't decide is serious or not.

* * *

They sit side by side on the cool concrete steps of one of the stairwells. Every time Jane shifts, the warm skin of her shoulder peels away from the cold wall with a slight sticking noise. She brings the hot, white mug to her lips and takes small sips; treating it as if it is liquid gold.

"This is good," she says to break the silence in the quiet corridor.

"It sure is," Darlene agrees. "Besides my family, coffee was the thing I missed most. And now…I'm never taking it for granted again."

Jane takes another short, slow draught and thinks about how much Maura would like to be here, too, drinking coffee like they didn't have a care in the world.

Darlene shifts on the steps and their shoulders brush just enough that their skin almost sticks together just as well as it had to the cool walls. "What do you miss most?"

_They had accidentally come upon it during a trip to scour what remained of a dilapidated building. The cords were yellowing, and the tree bark had splintered from the way the ropes dug into the flesh of the only two mature trees in the clearing. But faded as it was, it was there and it was great: a hammock swaying in the small breeze. _

_Jane looked around them then to make sure they were safe in the impending dusk and, if only for a moment, decided to let her worries fade away and just __**be.**_

_She looked over to Maura—standing there in an oversized shirt with sleeves that nearly end at her fingertips instead of the wrists—and smiled. A wide, pure smile that showed her teeth and wrinkled the corners of her eyes. _

"_Well?"_

_Maura grinned back, though a hit of confusion marred her brow. "What?"_

"_Get in!" Jane laughed finally._

_But Maura's eyes nervously scanned the now pink sky and she clutched her long sleeves in her fists. "It's almost dark..."_

"_I have the flashlight," Jane shrugged. "Come on, Maur. Just for a few minutes? We'll be fine. I promise."_

_Those words sealed the deal. _

_Almost giddily, Maura climbed into the swaying hammock and gracefully lay upon her back. She turned her head to catch Jane's gaze. "Don't tell me you're just going to stand there and stare at me, Jane."_

_Jane laughed as she stepped closer to the edge of it. "I thought about it," she said as she watched the setting sun cast colors upon Maura's hair and face._

"_Well don't," Maura replied as she inched over to make room for Jane. "I would much rather you be over here with me than standing over there by yourself."_

_So Jane climbed in then and they lay—Maura's head in the crook of Jane's shoulder, and Jane's hand innocently finding its way under the hem of Maura's shirt to rub at the soft skin of her stomach. The sun seemed to set slower than usual, with the hammock swaying even less now with the weight of them in it and the scent of straw carried through the air around them._

_When the sky was more purple than tawny, Maura pressed even tighter into Jane. "Jane," she whispered into Jane's chest, "I know we don't talk about…__**it**__…but…what do you miss the most? From the before?"_

_It was silent for a while and, if it weren't for the uneven breaths beneath her cheek, Maura would think Jane had fallen asleep. But finally, there's a quiet sigh. "I miss everyone being together at your house the most, I think. We…You made us more of a family than we were before you were in it, Maura. When we were all together, with you there…it was better than it had been in a long time. And I miss that feeling. Of everyone there together and being happy." She paused. "And I hate that I took it for granted. Took __**you**__ for granted."_

_Maura lifted her head to try and catch Jane's eyes. "What do you mean, you took me for granted?"_

_She felt Jane shrug. "I always thought things would be the same. I knew it, in those last few months, that I…you know, wanted more" she laughed nervously. "But I thought I could keep coming over for dinner or movies after work and stuff until I could finally strap on a pair and tell you how I felt."_

_Maura's brow quirked. "Strapped on a pair of what?"_

"_Not the point," Jane replied with a flourish of her hand. "I just thought I had all the time in the world to tell you that I liked you—" _

"_That you what?"_

_Jane grinned, then, and pinched at the hip under her fingers. "That I __**loved**__ you," she corrected, but then her smile fell. "I didn't think everything would change before I had the chance." _

_They were silent for a while; nothing exchanged but breaths between them. Then Maura whispered, "Everything has changed, hasn't it?"_

_Jane nodded. "Yeah." _

"_But I'm glad you're here with me," Maura replied before shifting to sit up. Smiling, her fingers lightly traced down the side of Jane's jaw. "I can barely see your face."_

_And Jane easily picked up on Maura's worry that if she can't see Jane's face from less than two feet away, then how should they be able to see any of those _things _running towards them?_

_Almost reluctantly, they scrambled from the hammock and started walking, hand in hand, as they made their way back to the vehicle._

_She realized, much later, that she never asked Maura what it was that she missed the most._

"Maura," she finally murmurs. "I miss Maura the most."

"Dear, dear. She'll be fine," Darlene reassures softly. "And I don't want to get your hopes up—'cause I'll feel bad if it ain't true—but I'll be damned if she ain't awake by tomorrow. You'll see."

Jane tries not to laugh, but it bubbles up anyway as Darlene pulls her in for a one-armed hug.

"What?"

She shakes her head, lips turned up in a grin. "You remind me of my mother."

Darlene guffaws in disbelief. It echoes off the bare white-washed walls around them. "What! I'm not yet 35, child!"

But Jane has been a detective long enough to know better. Though Darlene doesn't _look_ a day older than 35—there's hardly a wrinkle in the corners of her green eyes— it's the way she talks that gives her away. The way she reassures everyone and frets about in an attempt to keep everyone calm and happy. The way she puts aside her own memories in an effort to not burden others with them.

But Jane says nothing. If, in this broken world filled with thieves and murderers and _things_, telling a lie about her age makes Darlene feel better, Jane won't take that from her.

"I really should be going," Darlene finally says as she stands. "Try to get some sleep, dear. You won't do her any good if you're half-dead by the time she comes around."

"I'll try," Jane nods, despite knowing that she won't sleep a wink.

"Good. See ya later," Darlene calls as she descends down the steps.

And Jane wants to reply with _bye_, but the words catch in her throat and taste bitter in her mouth. The last person she said that to, she hasn't seen since. She doesn't want to know what will happen if she were to say it again.


End file.
